Pink Recovery
by nic73
Summary: Here by popular demand - well not popular, but a couple of people asked - is the follow up to Pink Envelopes. It starts as Jane is leaving the hospital and moving in to Lisbon's apartment, as where else is he going to go. A story about a man trying to figure out his place in a world that is foreign to him and the woman who leads the way. Be warned a quiet gentle start.
1. Chapter 1

He's finally getting out of the hospital. He tried for two weeks to persuade the doctor to let him out earlier but she wouldn't be moved and he made himself pretty unpopular with the nurses. When it became obvious that the lady was not for turning, he had to work hard at getting back into their good graces for the rest of his stay. They particularly didn't like his stunt of mixing up the dinner trays, so everyone was given the wrong meals, he made sure that he kept everyone on their prescribed dietary requirements. He was very happy with the fuss that ensued but it didn't get him his ticket out, only the wrath of the entire floor Calling in a favour, owed by an old friend, that brought the touring cast of Hairspray visiting the floor, had succeeded where his apologies and his best smiles had failed. He pointed out that the stamina and muscle strength it took to move all the trays in the time allotted surely showed he was well enough to go home, the doctor had only smiled at him and said,

"Beware of payback"

The night that followed had been a sleepless hell of agony, which the nurses seemed to take a little too much sadistic satisfaction from.

It feels strange being back in his suit that Cho has brought him from his motel room. It's as though it belongs to a different life. Things have changed since he last wore one. The weight of all the fabric feels heavy on his weakened frame. It's weighed down with the guilt that he carried around for so many years. It's woven itself into the fabric. It gives off the scent of regret and sorrow. He's not that man any more Red John is gone, his life has changed. He will ask Lisbon to buy him something else to wear. He doesn't know yet what that will be, what would he feel comfortable in now?

He's sitting on the edge of the bed, as all the preparations in getting ready to leave have wiped him out a bit. He's signed everything and is just waiting for Lisbon to arrive to take him back to her place. He had to agree to that arrangement or his departure would have been delayed even further. The doctor says she doesn't trust him on his own to keep to her instructions. In truth although he hates being a burden ,he wasn't looking forward to going back to the motel room. A nurse enters the room pushing a wheelchair. Jane looks at it with disdain.

"Is that for me?"

"It sure is."

"Do I really have to use it."

"Hospital policy. Agent Lisbon called to say she's sorry she was delayed but is on her way and will be here in fifteen minutes."

Jane gives an exaggerated sigh.

"At least she's apologised."

"She wasn't saying sorry to you."

Jane raises his eyebrows and the nurse breaks in to a smile.

Come on climb in, Let's go for a walk while you're waiting. It will keep you out of trouble."

Jane hesitates and then sits in the wheelchair. The nurse wheels him out of the room and they head towards the day room. Jane can hear the murmur of voices. As he's enteres the room he sees a banner stretched along the wall.

'Good bye Patrick'

The room is filled with nurses and patients healthy enough to move, and they are holding aloft a plastic cup each. One is shoved in to Jane's hand.

In the middle of everyone is Dr. Polly.

"We only do this for our more noitorious patients and we can most definitely say that we've never had a patient like you before. We want to wish you well and make sure that you actually leave."

"Here here"

Echos around the room. Jane joins in the laughter and then clears his throat.

"Thank you everyone but believe me you have no worries I will definitely be leaving as soon as my ride gets here. But I would like to thank you for all that you have done for me."

He raises his glass and takes a drink. He scrunches his nose.

"Water?"

"That's all you're allowed on your tablets Patrick."

Lisbon parks her car and makes her way quickly across the car park towards the hospital entrance. She knows that Jane will be itching to get out of there. He's probably been ready for hours. She'd hoped to make it a lot earlier, but, a murder, as usual, got in the way. This day has been along time coming and probably even longer for the hospital staff. Lisbon hopes she's thought of everything that Jane may need while he's at her place. She's trying not to freak out about the fact that there will be someone there all the time, she's so use to going home to an empty place. She cherishes the time by herself and not having to answer to anyone. She's certain that Jane will be a demanding patient. But when the doctor told her that she couldn't allow Jane to go home to an empty place, she knew she had to offer her home to her friend. Jane still in the hospital was driving everyone crazy. She just hopes their friendship will survive living together. After finding that Jane isn't in his room, she notices that the floor is practically empty. She can hear voices and then smiles as she recognises Jane's dulcet tones. At the door to the day room she takes in the scene.

"I thought you'd left without me."

"Lisbon about time. Get me out of here."

"Is that nice Jane after all this effort?"

"Effort appreciated and acknowledge now let's go."

Doctor Polly laughs

"You better get him out of here."

Jane gives everyone a wave and Lisbon takes the wheelchair.

"Okay let's get going. Thanks for everything, I'll get him out of your hair."

As they enter the lift Jane throws back his head and gives a big smile.

"Free at last. Lisbon I've suddenly got a yearning for a blueberry muffin. Can we stop and get one."

"I would prefer to get you home and sorted,"

"Oh please Lisbon, I would really like one, and I have just come out of hospital. Surely you wouldn't say no to a man who has been denied the pleasures of the outside world for three months."

"Okay I guess we can stop."

"Fantastic and can we stop and get some shoes, Cho didn't bring me any."

Lisbon looks down and sees that his feet are bare.

"Jane you don't need shoes right now, you're not going anywhere."

"Please..."

Lisbon rolls her eyes, this is not getting off to a great start.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for all the reviews, follows and favourites, you encourage me to continue. I hope you enjoy this chapter, I am discovering this is not an easy story to write.**

"Right! Are you going to be okay?"

Lisbon looks anxiously at Jane. He's settled on her couch with a Sudoku book and reading material laying next to him. The tv remote is also within reach and on the coffee table is a steaming cup of tea, along with his medicines.

"I'll be fine Lisbon, I'm a big boy, I can handle being on my own for a few hours. It's only for the morning, what could possibly happen?"

Lisbon groans.

"Now you have me really worried."

Jane gives a smile

"Don't worry Mom, now off you go."

"Yes, I'm going."

Lisbon grabs her handbag and opens the door, she turns and takes one more look at Jane. He smiles and waves at her, she smiles weakly back and then she's gone.

The smile vanishes along with Lisbon. Jane reaches for his tea, then sits back in to the couch, closing his eyes as he savours the refreshing taste of the warm liquid. Settling in hasn't gone as well as he'd expected. Getting back into 'normal' life is proving difficult, but then there's nothing normal about his life. Yes he's out of the hospital, but, he's in Lisbon's apartment, rather than his own space. Not that he's complaining, she's very welcoming and it's better than being on his own. It's just, it's very strange having her looking after him, being very attentive, he's not sure how to act around her, and there have been some awkward moments that have never entered their relationship before. It's like they're defining their parameters once more. It seems wrong to push her buttons when he's beholden to her. It's all so polite.

And there's the question of his place in the world. He has nothing to do. Of course he had nothing to do in the hospital, but, he's out now, he's healing, he's bored. There's also the question 'what is he going to do?' Does he go back to the CBI? Does he want to go back to the CBI? It was a means to an end, but now he has friends, people who mean a lot to him and, he's discovered, he means a lot to them too. But will it still keep him interested? Does he still want to look at dead bodies.

Finally the biggest 'un-normal' thing in his life - no Red John. He's been a shadow over his life for so long. Occupying every moment of free thought. His time and energy focused on getting the monster, and it's left a gaping hole he's not sure he can fill. The shadow has lifted, and the world outside of the hospital is light, full of bright colours, warm and free. He feels like he's a space traveller that has landed on a new planet, not dissimilar to his home, but, one where there are different rules and no one is able to tell him what they are.

He's always been able to adjust to any situation before him, his brain able to put together and sort through information at speed and present him with an answer, or a plan, so quickly that it seems he doesn't skip a beat. But it's failing him. He's in a fog of indecision and he's can't understand why, or what to do about it. Of course he hasn't mentioned any of this to Lisbon, she has enough concerns without worrying about him.

Lisbon's worried. She's never seen Jane like this before. He doesn't know how to act around her, he seems lifeless and there's no sparkle in his eyes. He seems lost. He wasn't like this in the hospital and she doesn't understand what has happened. . A pain to everyone, anxious to leave. He was in good spirits, welcoming all visitors and when he wasn't being annoying, winning people over with tricks, and was his old self in the last few weeks in the hospital. All the trauma put behind him and ready to move on with his life. They hadn't discussed his plans for the future, she admits to herself, she was afraid that they would take him away from Sacramento, the CBI and her. The first couple of days at her apartment had gone as she'd expected. He was picky, irritating and insufferable. She was ready to call Cho and send him to his place, but she would have that back. Now, he's quiet and submissive and things seem awkward between them, he's so polite. He's not eating well and looks tired and haggard. She's close to calling the doctor. She's ashamed of herself that she was a little relieved at going in to work today, being away, even if only for a few hours. She doesn't know how to react to this Jane, she feels at a loss.

Jane has had his shower, decided not to shave, and has thrown some clothes on. He hasn't been allowed to go shopping yet and so is still in his old clothes. He looks at himself in the mirror. A stranger stares back at him. The clothes hang off him, he's certain he's lost more weight since leaving the hospital. His skin looks dull and his eyes are sunken and tired. He tries a smile and it looks so unnatural on his face that he wonders if he really is fooling Lisbon. With Lisbon gone he'd taken the opportunity to use her shower, he'd been right, it was better than the one in the bathroom. He sits on her bed, feeling tired from his exertions.

Lisbon throws open the car door and realises that, in her haste, she hasn't put it in park. She corrects the mistake, cursing herself for the delay. She fumbles in her bag for her key as she rushes up the steps. She curses again as she drops them as she gets to the door. She calls out Jane's name as she's unlocking it. When she pushes open the door, Jane isn't where she left him, though his phone is on the table flashing away, informing her of the many calls from her that have gone unanswered. There are no signs of anything out-of-order, no struggle has taken place. In the kitchen she finds his cup rinsed on the drainer, the bathroom hasn't been used that morning. She knocks on his bedroom door and gently calls his name, she opens it carefully when there is no reply to find it empty. Each moment she's becoming more frantic, but also relieved at no Jane passed out on the floor, lying in a his blood, after bumping his head. The only room left is hers, but, they had established rule number one was that he didn't enter her room without permission, but this is Jane! She opens the door to find curly blond hair on her pillow and a consultant fast asleep under her covers.

Jane!


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's notes: Hi I know this is even shorter than normal but it's been a very difficult chapter to write and my writing time is now very limited as my hubby is home at the moment. I hope you like it, it will get a bit lighter in a couple of chapters. Reviews are always welcome and encouraging.**

Jane!

He begins to stir. He opens his eyes and blinks to clear his vision. He's looks disorientated for a moment. He then sees Lisbon and pulls himself into a sitting position.

"Hey Lisbon, it's that time already?"

"No. You didn't answer your phone I thought something had happened to you, and what are you doing in my bed?"

Jane looks around as if he is only just realising where he is. He looks down at the covers and then at Lisbon. His face is filled with confusion.

"I don't know. I took a shower and got dressed, the last thing I remember is sitting down on the bed."

Jane's confusion wipes away Lisbon's indignation and she sits down next to him on the side of the bed.

"What's going on Jane? I think I should call the doctor."

Jane protests.

"No..no...no need for a doctor."

"I think there is Jane. You're not eating well, you look haggard and you're not yourself. I think you may have left the hospital too early."

"I'm fine Lisbon, just adjusting."

"You're not fine Jane, have you taken a good look at yourself?"

Jane shrugs.

"What's going on? You can tell me or tell a doctor."

Jane rolls his eyes.

_I can't believe I fell asleep in Lisbon's bed. I can't remember climbing in. I was sat on the bed feeling exhausted. I know that everything she's saying is right. I'm not fine. I don't know myself any more. _

Jane throws back the covers, plastering a smile on his face._  
_

"Doctor's meh! What I need is a cup of tea."

Jane climbs out of the bed while he's talking, on the opposite side to where Lisbon is sitting. He's out the room before Lisbon collects herself. She quickly follows.

"Jane. You're not going to get out of it that easily."

Lisbon enters the kitchen where Jane is filling up the kettle.

"Tell me about your day. Did they throw you a big welcome back party?"

"I've only been gone a week Jane."

"I would've thrown you a party, a day is too long with out you there. The criminals around California will be shaking in their boots at the news that the Great Agent Lisbon is back. Would you like some tea?"

"No Jane I don't."

"Did you say hi to the guys for me?"

"Yes and they send to tell you that they're looking forward to having you back."

Jane busies himself with making his drink. Lisbon goes in to the fridge and pulls out a soda and goes into the living room to sit down and wait for Jane. Jane stops stirring and leans against the counter. He closes his eyes and takes deep breaths.

_I don't think I was successful in distracting Lisbon. I'm going to have to come up with something convincing that will satisfy her._

He finishes stirring and removes the tea bag and joins Lisbon. He sits down on the couch and clears his throat.

"I'm sorry I caused you concern so that you had to cut short your day, but I'm perfectly all right. I was tired after taking a shower and dressing. I would have taken my phone in with me, if I'd known I was going to fall asleep. You don't need to worry about me, I'm just adjusting to being on the 'outside'. I just need a little time to realise what I can do and take little steps each day. I've just been trying to do too much. I'll look after myself better. I promise."

Lisbon hadn't missed the look Jane that crossed Jane's face when she'd mentioned going back to work. It was almost fear, but something else within that ran deep and had tore at her heart. She decided to that perhaps it wasn't wise to skirt the issue.

"Jane are you coming back to work?"

"Well I'm not ready yet. I will be spending even more time on the couch if I came back now."

Lisbon recognises Jane's tactics.

"I'm not talking about now. Are you coming back when you're well?"

"I guess so."

"You came to us to search for Red John and now that is done, I will understand if you're thinking of moving on. I want you back of course but you have to do what's good for you. You been through a lot and I can see that you may want a safer occupation."

"Lisbon can we not talk about this now, I'm feeling pretty tired."

Lisbon looks at him for a long moment.

"Jane, you're not tired, you just woke up, and you're not telling me the truth. Remember, in the hospital, when you said you would be honest with me. You know you can trust me with whatever it is."

Jane looks into his teacup, then up at the ceiling and then off to the side. . He feels panic rising up inside him. He has to squash an overwhelming desire to run out of the room. He does remember the promise and he remembers that she's someone that has proven he can trust his darkest feelings with. He's been so stupid to hide from her. He takes a deep breath.

"I'm lost."


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Notes: Thank you for all the support I've received through reviews, favs and follows. I hope you enjoy this chapter. I think you will be surprised with the direction the story takes.**

Jane allows his raw emotions to show through with his statement. The fear and confusion are written on his face. Lisbon almost gasps at the depth of the anguish she sees. She moves to sit nearer to him. she places her hand on top of his.

"In what way Jane?"

Jane looks at her. The feel of her hand on his brings warmth and comfort. It brings with it the assurance of stability, foundation and friendship. Without realising that he's made the decision, he trusts her with everything that's going on in his head.

"I never expected to be in this position. I didn't expect a life after Red John."

"You expected to be dead or in prison?"

Jane nods.

"Yes, though, it was always my intention to have a plan that wouldn't end either of those ways. I just didn't expect it to be successful and I never gave myself the hope. I didn't want it."

Lisbon is not unsurprised by this. It's not an unusual problem with people who have lost their life's purpose. She's been to a few scenes of people who haven't found the answers. Fear grips her. She has to help Jane, his life is in as much danger now as when Red John was alive.

"I, for one, am very happy that you were proven wrong for once."

Jane gives her a slight smile. Lisbon leans closer to him.

"We can work this out together. I will support you in whatever it is you decide to do."

Lisbon sees a shadow pass over Jane's face.

"What is it? There's more?"

"I..I...I have been filled with revenge for 11 years. It's been my purpose for getting up in the morning. It has driven my every action and decision. Now it's gone and I find that that's all I was."

"That's not true Jane."

"I don't know how to act. I have no base line with which to make decisions. The only decision I seem to be able to make, is what flavour of tea to drink. I can't even decide what clothes to wear. I just know I don't belong in my suits any more."

"You've have a job, you have friends."

"Given to me by my revenge. The way I've conducted that job was determined by my quest. My recklessness with people's lives, feelings and my own life. My interactions with colleagues and friend were influenced by it. Even my relationship with you. It's all been about, not getting too close, not having to worry or care about anyone or anything. Making sure that people don't get in the way or are put in danger. I've lived as a transient, no roots, no belongings. How can I determine what I want to do with my life, when I'm nothing. I'm not the con man in shining suits, I'm not the three-piece avenger.."

Lisbon can't hold in a chuckle. Jane looks at her and shrugs apologetically and shares a smile.

"It seems so cliche to declare that I don't know who am I, but that's the way I feel. I was someone and that person was destroyed and I found another way to be and now that person is gone too. Who do I be now?"

"Revenge wasn't all you were. You were also funny, kind, annoying, found enjoyment in the simple of things - childlike. You are still those things."

Jane shakes his head.

"I don't feel those things. I'm always one step ahead of everyone else in the room. I know what everyone is thinking and feeling, even things they don't recognise in themselves. There is a power in that. It puts me in control and it eliminates most surprises. All I see in my head is confusion and darkness. I feel like I'm drowning Lisbon and gasping for air."

Jane looks at her in desperation.

"I know you're probably disappointed in me right now."

"Jane, of course I'm not disappointed in you. You're one of the bravest men I've ever met. You willing put yourself in a very dangerous situation. Hung yourself out there as bait for Red John. Almost inviting him to come get you, to bring him out in the open. You went about your daily life with no protection, doggedly pursuing this notorious serial killer, with no thought to your own safety."

"That doesn't sound brave, it sounds foolhardy."

"The two often go hand in hand. What I'm saying is that there's a strength in you that will find your way back. It just needs time and patience and a little help."

Jane is shaking his head.

"I'm not going back in to hospital, any hospital Lisbon."

Lisbon sees fear in his face. He's never really said that much about his stay in the psychiatric hospital. She only knows that it helped him, but obviously it also holds some terrible memories for him. She rushes to reassure him.

"I wasn't talking about hospitals Jane but you need to talk to someone."

"I'm talking to you."

"I'm not a professional Jane, I don't know if I can help you."

Jane is pleading with her now, panic lacing his words.

"You helped me before. I know you can help me again. I would have to speak it all again, tell them everything.."

An idea strikes Lisbon. Jane can see it in her face.

"What is it?"

"Will you trust me Jane?"

"You mean you're not going to tell me?"

Lisbon stands up.

"I have some things to do, I'll be gone for just a little while."

She grabs her jacket and starts putting it on. Jane stands up and grabs her wrist.

"Lisbon..."

"Just trust me Jane. Have yourself some lunch and watch one of those nature shows you enjoy so much and I'll be back before it's over."

"Lisbon I just poured my heart out to you and you're just going to leave me?"

Lisbon picks up her purse and looks at him, Jane recognises her stubborn, determined look and knows he's not going to win. He lets her arm drop.

"Jane, which do you prefer, to pour out your inner most feeling to a perfect stranger?.

Jane pulls a face.

"...or put your faith in me for a couple of hours?"

In truth Jane's intrigued and is enjoying the excitement radiating from Lisbon.

"You're a mean-spirited women and I can see why you never went into the more gentler professions."

Lisbon's warmed by the tease and knows that this is a small positive step.

"You would do well to always remember that."

Suddenly Jane takes her in a hug.

"Thank you Lisbon, I await your return."

Bertram looks up from the piece of paper he's reading as Lisbon enters the room. He leans back in his chair.

"Back again already."

"Yes sir. I want to put in for an indefinite leave of absence, starting immediately."

Bertram sits forward.

"But you've just come back Agent."

"I know sir, I'm taking Jane away, he needs some time to sort some things out."

"Is he all right? He is coming back?"

"As I said this morning, I don't know that, but, this will be the best chance of him doing that."

"Well you're certainly owed the time."

"Thank you sir."

Lisbon escapes the room before he tries to change her mind. She's sure she's doing the right thing. She thought about it as she was making her way to Bertram's office. Jane being cooped up in her apartment will not help him in his recovery but she can't send him off somewhere by himself. He's still not fully fit and he needs company and she's certain that it's her company he needs. So the only solution is for them to go away together. Maybe as they explore California, or wherever they decide to go, together, he can recover who he is.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's notes: What a great episode and what a looonnng week it's going to be. Hope you this chapter will help you to unwind your fingers and start breathing again. Thanks to all reviewers and followers and faves, I'm glad you approve of where the story is going. Feed back always welcome, I love hearing from you.**

Lisbon made a couple of stops on her way home but the nature program was still in progress when she walked back into her apartment. Jane was laid on her couch, he looked up as she entered the room.

"The wanderer returns."

"He spies the bags in her arms.

"You abandoned me to go shopping?"

"Yea."

She drops the bags on top of him.

"They're for you. Now get yourself off the couch we have some packing to do."

Jane looks at her incredulously and swings his legs around, causing the bags to fall unceremoniously on to the floor.

"Packing? Are we going somewhere?"

"I figured you must be fed up with the indoors by now and that a little fresh air would do you the world of good."

"We're not camping are we, I hate camping. I can sleep very well on a floor, but it's the insects, that share it with you, that puts me off."

He shudders

"Yuck!"

"Honestly Jane, have I ever seemed like the camping type to you?"

Jane looks her up and down and breaks in to devilish smile.

"I can see you in the guide uniform, making fire and putting up tents...or at least yelling at others to do it."

"As it happens I was too busy for such things as guides and the only people I've ever yelled at, on a regular basis, are my brothers and you! Now are you going to get up off that couch or do I need to pull a gun on you."

Jane holds his hands up in the universal sign of surrender.

"Kidnapping now. My my my, you are surprising me today Lisbon."

"I'm going to find you a bag to pack your clothes in. Have a look in the bags and try them on. Hopefully I bought the right size."

Lisbon heads towards her bedroom, leaving a bemused Jane. This is an unexpected, but welcome, very welcome, turn of events. The idea of going away somewhere and getting some fresh air, causes a flutter of excitement in the bottom of Jane's stomach that he's not felt for a long while. He picks up his bags and takes them into his bedroom where he empties the contents on his bed. Lisbon has been clothes shopping for him. He holds up a white button down shirt in a casual cut. It has short sleeves with a faint blue line running through the fabric. He likes what he sees. He removes the shirt he's wearing and tries it on. it fits perfectly. He picks up something in a light blue colour, that look like they could be trousers. He's right, they're of a light brushed fabric that feels soft and comfortable when he puts them on. They are a fraction too big, but, a belt will correct the problem. He removes the one from his discarded pants and after fastening it he looks at himself in the mirror.

"Let's have twirl."

At the sound of her voice he can see her in the mirror and he gives her reflection a bow.

"Good work Lisbon. Kept it classic, I approve."

Lisbon approves as well. She'd been very nervous about her purchases, it's been a very long time since she shopped for a man. And since she's only ever seen Jane in his three-piece suits, it made the job even more fraught. After half an hour of indecision, and the beginnings of a headache, she decided that classic was the safest option to take. And it was only a few outfits, if he didn't like them he could buy something else to replace them. Looking at him through the mirror, she can see she did good, she did very good.

"Here's you're bag, we can go shopping for more clothes later."

Jane's eyes sweep over the pile of clothes on the bed.

"There's enough here for five days, how long are we going for?"

"As long as it takes Jane."

Jane looks at her surprised.

"What about work You've only just returned after a week's holiday."

Lisbon puts her hands in her pockets and rocks back on to her heels.

"I've put in for a leave of absence, I'm owed a lot of time."

Jane moves closer to her, concern on his face.

"Lisbon, I'm really grateful, but you shouldn't have done that. I'm certain I can figure this all out. You don't have to give up work."

"I haven't given up work Jane, it's just a break. A break I think we both need. Since leaving Bertram's office I feel like the world has lifted from my shoulders. I'm excited about it. I think this won't just be good for you."

Jane searches her face for any tell of a lie. He finds none and breaks into a smile.

"I can't deny that I'm sick of looking at four walls, but I can't promise anything, but, you just, might be on to something. An excellent idea."

Jane's excitement warms Lisbon.

"I'm glad you approve. Now get packing, make sure you don't forget anything."

"Yes Mom."

Jane looks at the contents of his bag, mentally going through everything he needs and checks that they are all inside. He zips it up and sits down on the bed. He stares at himself in the mirror. He normally sees a man in dark colours, his body tightly wrapped in vest as if trying to hold in the emotions he's afraid to acknowledge,never mind deal with. A man, afraid of the world that is now his reality, without his wife and child. The vest holding that world under lock and key as he exacts his revenge. The man looking back at him, dressed in pale colours and casual clothes, looks like a man who's confident in himself, happy with the world, and his place within it. He lets out a sigh. He hopes one day that stranger will be him, that he will be comfortable with his new world. Can he really release all that's been locked up for so long, and if he does, can he survive it.

Lisbon is back at the door of his room, holding her bag in her hand. She looks at the man sitting on the bed, staring at the mirror his arms wrapped tightly around himself, fear in his eyes. The excitement gone. She lets out a sigh. She can't fool herself that this will be an easy fix, but it has to work, it has to!


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's notes: Red John is almost upon us. Hope this helps fill in a little bit of time. Thanks for everyone who has sent me a review and followed and fave'd the story. Your support is greatly appreciated and helps spur me on.**

Lisbon sets her case on top of her bed and looks around her hotel room. She corrects herself, it's not a hotel room, it's a small suite, decorated in simple relaxing colours and furniture. It looks a great place to start healing. Their departure was delayed as they hammered out the details of their trip. There weren't many of them, which Lisbon finds disconcerting, but, she finally had to agree with Jane that it would take too long to make every decision of where they would go. She'd pointed out that they could get cheaper hotel rates by booking in advance, Jane just waved this off saying that he would pay all the hotel costs. She had, of course, protested that she could pay her own way. Jane held his hands up in mock surrender,

"Calm down woman, I wasn't offering to pay for the whole trip, but I do have more money than you, which I don't use very often."

"The trip was my idea and I'm not having you pay for me."

Jane stood, tapping his finger on his lips, then held up his hand in triumph.

"I've got the solution."

"Can't wait to hear it."

"What percentage of the money you have in the bank are you willing to donate to this trip?"

"Percentages? Really Jane."

"Just stay with me. You can just make it an estimated round figure. Just write it down and hand it to me."

She did some quick sums in her head. This was a difficult question as she didn't have any idea how long the trip would take. She decided on a couple of months and maybe three, she calculated how much she needed for bills until she would have a pay check again. As to how much she was willing to spend on her friend,s recovery was easy, everything she had left. She wrote down a number and gave it to Jane.

Jane looked at it and raised his eyebrows while letting out a small whistle.

"I'm touched Lisbon. Now I will match that percentage, wouldn't you say that was fair?"

Lisbon suddenly got the feeling she has been had, but it did sound fair. She nods slowly.

"Good, now I'm going to write down in round figures, how much money I will be contributing."

Jane adds his figure to the piece of paper and hands it back. She opens it and can't believe what she's reading. Surely he's but too many noughts on by mistake.

"I assure you Lisbon that is the correct figure. Now, are you going to let me pay for the hotel rooms?, You can pay for the gas and we will share the meals. I am a man of simple tastes these days, but I want to treat you to nice hotel rooms, as a thank you for all you've done for me. Please Lisbon."

She'd been maneuvered into a position, where she couldn't really argue and he looked so sincere in his pleadings that she had relented and money negotiations were ended. Next came where they would start their trip. It was decided it couldn't be too far away, as it was late afternoon already. As they looked at a map, Jane had pointed out Half Moon Bay.

"Do you remember driving through that place on a case six months ago. There was a pretty restaurant that caught your attention, something to do with the name I think."

Lisbon's shocked, not that he'd remembered, as the man remembered nearly everything, but, she hadn't said a word about it. It was the name, it was the same as a restaurant her family used to frequent whenever her parents could treat their family to a meal out. Once her Mother died, they never ate there again, but when she'd seen the sign, wonderful, poignant memories, of happier times had almost overwhelmed her. She hadn't said anything, partly because she couldn't trust herself to speak, and because the car had been full, as they made their way to a crime scene. She'd been lost in memories for a moment when Rigsby had interrupted her thoughts with some benign question. She had said that they didn't have to go there on her account. Jane folded up the map and declared that it was as good a reason as any and it was by the beach so he was happy. Lisbon went to her neighbours to let them know that she was going out of town, and she didn't know how long and would they keep an eye on the place. Jane loaded up the car and they were on their way. Lisbon did the first driving duties as she could see that Jane was getting tired and he'd slept for most of the journey. It took a little longer than they'd anticipated because of an accident, but, they pulled up in front of a hotel that looked over the beach, and Jane declared it as the perfect place to stay.

Lisbon hung up clothes she would wear tomorrow and clothes to change in to after a shower. When she felt refreshed and presentable for dinner she went to Jane's room, which was next to her's and knocked on the door. She heard him shout from within and she opened the door. Jane was sitting out on the balcony that overlooked the ocean. She walked over to him and took the other chair.

"Isn't this breathtaking Lisbon?"

She looks at the deep blue sea reflecting the cloudless sky, with light dancing off the gentle waves like they were made of little diamonds.

"Yes, it's beautiful Jane."

"When I was travelling with the carnival, I loved it when it was time for the beach tour. We only did it every couple of years but it was the nearest thing I got to a holiday. One summer we had a long term contract at a beach in San Louis Obispo. I befriended a crazy man, who spent every hour of the day on the beach building these amazing sand castles. He could make the most elaborate creations only for them to be washed away by the tide. He would return the next day, kick down what was left and start all over again. Will you make a sandcastle with me Lisbon?"

Lisbon's taken aback by the unexpected request, she's never made a sandcastle in her life before.

"Don't worry Lisbon I'll teach you?"

"Jane I hate it that you read me all the time."

Jane shrugs.

"I don't, you surprised me with this trip idea. Just sometimes you're an open book to me."

Lisbon scowls at him. Jane places his hands on the arms of the chair and stands up. He holds his hand out to Lisbon, smiling broadly

"Come my dear, let's find that restaurant of yours and have an early dinner, so we have plenty of time to make that sandcastle before the tide comes in."


	7. Chapter 7

**Authors notes: thank you all so much for your support with this story. Thank you to the guest reviewers that I'm unable to thank personally. Hope you enjoy the chapter.**

The restaurant wasn't anything like the one in Chicago, but, Lisbon hadn't expected it to be. But the food was good and Jane was on top form with the poor wine waiter, who made the mistake of contradicting Jane's wine choice. Jane was itching to get down to the beach and start a sandcastle, so, there was no lingering over a drink afterwards, he promised to make it up to her. To Lisbon, it was just delightful to see Jane's eyes shining like a little kid, that, no promises are needed.

They are now on their way down to the beach and she spies that Jane is suddenly swinging a bucket in his right hand. She has no idea when he picked it up.

"How...Where did you get the bucket?"

Jane looks down at it in surprise, as if, he didn't realise it was there. He inspects it and then looks back up at Lisbon.

"You don't want to know."

Lisbon groaned. Always an ominous statement, and she decides to leave it at that. Jane settles on a place, that apparently, is the perfect spot for sandcastle building, and starts filling his bucket.

"You have to pat it down as you fill it Lisbon to eliminate as many air pockets as possible, and then smooth out the top. This is the tricky bit. You have to turn it over quickly, not allowing the sand to pour out. Now tap the bottom of the bucket and slowly lift. Voila!"

Jane's looking very proud and holds out the bucket towards her.

"Now you have a go."

He flashes her a smile.

Lisbon doesn't move.

"Come on Lisbon, it's easy, little kids do it and you have the perfect teacher."

Lisbon looks at the sand and her clothes, then at Jane. He's already managed to get some sand on his face.

"C'mon Lisbon, you have to get down here."

She's not happy about getting sand on her clothes but knows there's no choice, so she slowly kneels down.

"Well done Lisbon!"

Lisbon smacks him on the arm.

"Ow, violence Lisbon"

"No less then you deserve."

She grabs the bucket off him and starts to fill it with sand.

"Don't forget to pack it down."

She gives him a scowl and then pats down the sand.

"Very good, now you need to turn it over. It needs to be done quickly or the sand moves and the sand will collapse."

"Yes Jane, it's not exactly rocket science."

She turns it over. Jane claps.

"Excellent! Now slowly pull the bucket up."

Jane leans in close, their heads almost touching as Lisbon lifts off the bucket.

"That's it Lisbon, carefully does it."

The bucket comes away clean and a perfect castle's revealed. Lisbon can't help but feel a little proud, despite being acutely aware of the sand that is all over her, even in her mouth. Jane is ecstatic and heaps on loads of praise.

"Great job Lisbon, are you sure you haven't done this before? It's so rare that a person's first sandcastle is perfect."

"Well that could be because I'm a grown up and not four."

Jane cocks his head to one side.

"True, true, or you could have just discovered a new skill, a calling in life. Perhaps, one day, you will surpass the teacher."

"I doubt that Jane."

Lisbon humours Jane by having a couple more goes with the bucket but then sits against the rocks and watches Jane as he creates. His face is a study in concentration except when he catches her eye and smiles. He gave a running commentary on what he's doing, step by step instructions until Lisbon told him to be quiet. She knows she'll probably never make a sandcastle ever again no matter how much fun it looks.

Jane wondered how long it would take her to tell him to shut up. He's impressed it's longer than he's calculated, he was almost sick of hearing himself speak. He's beginning to tire. Sandcastle building turns out to be a rather strenuous activity for his healing body. He adds some finishing flourishes and then takes a bow. Lisbon dutifully applauds. He flops down beside her and leans against the rocks closing his eyes. Lisbon looks at him with concern.

"We need to get you back to your room. you've done too much."

"Meh, it's been a great day though, thank you Lisbon. But if we can just sit here for a while. I need to gather some strength before heading back."

Jane runs his hand through his curls and then when he drops it beside him it lands on top of Lisbon's. He gives it a squeeze.

"You are very good at sandcastles, not as good as me, but very good non the less. Not quite as good as Charlotte, but, almost."

Lisbon catches her breath, Jane has never spoken anything about Charlotte before.

"Her first effort was about two inches high and Angela applauded like mad, she didn't respond though. She wasn't happy with her effort and started scooping the sand back into the bucket. She continued trying time and time again, until it looked like mine."

Lisbon is almost afraid to speak and break the spell. When she looks at him, his eyes are still closed but there's a smile playing on his face.

"She hated failing, and always kept trying until she got it right. It used to drive her mother mad, except when it came to playing the piano. By the time she finished she looked like she was made of sand."

"I know who she gets that from."

Jane opens his eyes and looks over to her.

"I guess it's time we head back before the tide over takes us."

"Sure Jane, let me help you up."

It's a testament to his tiredness that he allows her to do so. He leans heavily on her as they make their way back to the hotel. When they get to his door, he plants a small kiss on her cheek and whispers in her ear.

"I should make sure you get all the sand out of your hair before you go to bed."


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you I really appreciate everyone who let me know there thoughts and are so kind. And all the follow and favs. I'm so glad you're enjoying the story.**

Jane takes some pain tablets before climbing in to bed and is soon fast asleep. His head's filled with thoughts of Charlotte on the beach building sand castles as he drifts off. The sky is a shade of blue that Jane has never seen before. It seems to shine like giant sapphire, the brilliant sun showing off its deep beauty. They have taken off their shoes once they hit the sand, and it slides through their toes like silk. Not a pebble to be found, just beautiful seashells dot the vast golden carpet. Charlotte is anxious to get started on her latest creation and starts to run. Jane allows her a head start before yelling:

"Last one there, gets bucket duty."

and he races after her making sure he stays just behind her. As their preferred spot get close he takes the lead, but, then stumbles, ending up sprawled out on the sand. Charlotte stops and bends down her face filled with concern.

"Are you all right Daddy?"

Jane turns over and quickly reaches up and lifts her off her feet and lands her on his chest.

"Daddy is just fine pumpkin, especially now he has his little girl just where he want her."

He covers her with kisses, Charlotte's caught between laughing and protesting as the sand on her Daddy's face scratches and tickles.

"Aha, now you're weakened I bet I'll win."

He lays Charlotte on the ground, who recovers quickly and is on her feet running before Jane is up off the floor, she crosses the 'finish line' first.

"Daddy you left the buckets"

Jane looks back and the buckets are where he'd fallen to the ground. He ruffles Charlotte's hair.

"Silly Daddy, I'll be right back."

Jane makes his way back to the buckets and is picking them up when he hears Charlotte scream. He spins around and Charlotte is laid on the floor lifeless. He runs towards and he can see blood all over her and surrounding her. He crouches down, takes her hand and the ice-cold shocks him, lifeless eyes stare back at him, he gathers her up in his arms and hugs her tight, mumbling her name into her hair, rocking back and forth, he opens his eyes and he's back in his house, in his bedroom, looking up at the smiley face.

Jane wakes up abruptly, he's tangled in the sheets and his flails his arms and legs trying to get free. When the covers finally release him he jumps out of bed, he steps into his shoes and is out the door.

Lisbon's woken by the sun shining into her eyes, she groans and makes a note to close her curtains next time. Waking up to the view may sound nice but not when you're facing east. She turns over and blinks trying to remove the spots before her eyes. She climbs out of bed and gathers her things for the shower. It's a weak shower and Lisbon washes as quickly as she can. It had been stronger the night before, as she washed off the sand, but, more people must be using it this morning. Once dressed she knocks on Jane's door so they can go down for breakfast. She gets no reply and knocks again.

"Jane? Jane? It's me Lisbon open the door."

When there's no reply she leans her ear against the door but can hear nothing. She knocks again. Getting no response she goes back into her room and in to the bathroom. She stands and listens but there is no sound that his shower is going. She returns to his door and knocks again. A hotel cleaner is coming out of the room across the hall.

"Are you looking for Mr. Jane?"

Lisbon looks round surprised.

"Yes. Do you know where he is."

"He's downstairs in the staff quarters. I think everyone will be very happy if you go get him."

Lisbon's puzzled and niffed in equal measure as she follows the direction the woman gave her. She condemns him for not letting her know beforehand that he was leaving. She knocks on the door and opens it cautiously. She finds Jane, still in his pajamas at a table with two men and a women, they are playing cards. They all look at her as she stands in the doorway. Jane breaks into a smile and waves her in.

"Lisbon come in."

He speaks to the people at the table.

"This is my best friend and travelling companion, Teresa Lisbon."

They all say hi and Lisbon returns the greeting.

"Jane..."

"These are my new friends Lisbon, Jeffrey the night porter, Brian the night receptionist and Jackie the night manager."

Lisbon nods her head at each one.

"Jane what are you doing here? And in your pajamas."

"I couldn't sleep and I found myself downstairs and these fine people kept me company."

"You've been down here all night?"

"Of course not. They had jobs to do, so we were in reception but once the day people came on, we had to move our game in here."

"Well they probably want to go home and get some sleep before they come back on duty again."

Jane starts to gather up the cards.

"Well I gets that's my cue to finish the game. Thank you guys it's been a pleasure."

He starts to gather up his winnings.

"Leave that Jane. These poor people didn't stand a chance against you and as I've found out, you don't need the money."

Jane stops and looks at Lisbon and then at the money.

"True, true, your company was payment enough. Thank you for being so kind to an insomniac."

His playing companions began to object about his winnings.

"Now you don't want to get me in trouble with the missus do you?"

He winks at them as Lisbon protests. He moves towards her and catching her arm, guides her out of the room.

"Jane let go of me. I'm perfectly capable of walking by myself. Don't do that again, I was getting worried when you didn't answer your door."

"Sorry Lisbon I didn't realise the time."

"What time did you wake up?"

"I don't know.."

Lisbon stops walking and tugs on Jane's arm.

"What time Jane?"

"Ohhhh I guess it was about 2am"

"Which means it was more one, and why didn't you at least put some clothes on?"

Jane shrugs.

"I guess I was distracted."

"What could possibly distract you at one in the morning?"

Realisation hits her.

"You had a nightmare, didn't you?"


	9. Chapter 9

"You had a nightmare didn't you?"

Jane stops and looks at her for a long moment and then nods his head.

"I haven't had one for a long time, not since after Red John's death."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Jane nods and takes Lisbon by the arm.

"Yes, but not here."

He leads her back to his room. He pats himself down and looks sheepishly at Lisbon.

"I forgot to take my key."

Lisbon looks around and sees the maids cart further down the hallway.

"Just wait here a minute and I'll be right back."

Lisbon returns with the maid in tow. Jane shrugs apologetically and gives her a smile.

"Sorry, forgot to take it with me."

"It's perfectly all right Mr. Jane, these things happen."

Lisbon wonders how many other guest end up in the staff quarters playing poker in their pajamas. They thank the maid and enter the room. Jane turns to Lisbon.

"Why don't you order some breakfast from room service while I get a shower and put some clothes on, I'm famished. Some eggs, toast and sausage will be fine...and some tea, of course."

"Sure."

Jane gathers up some clothes and goes in to the bathroom. Lisbon picks up the phone and orders a muffin and coffee for herself, plus Jane's order. Although Jane's been sharing her home and she's heard him in the shower before, it seems strange standing in his hotel room while he's showering. She opens the door and steps out on to the balcony, closing it behind her. The sound of the water muted and she looks out at the view and another beautiful day.

She wonders about her friend and why the nightmares have returned. During the weeks in the hospital he'd shared with her the nightmares that plagued him during his recovery, They were truly terrifying and she hopes this one isn't of the same calibre. This can only mean a step backwards in his recovery, and she wonders if this trip wasn't a good idea after all. She has her hands in her pockets staring out to sea deep in thought, the sound of the door sliding open makes her jump.

"Penny for them Lisbon."

She turns around and before her is a dressed Jane, rubbing his hair with a towel. His curls are all over the place and he looks like a mischievous child as he grins at her.

"You'll need to pay a lot more than that to get into my head."

Jane makes a sweeping gesture with his left arm.

"You can have my entire kingdom M'lady for five minutes inside your head."

He ends with a deep bow. Lisbon replies with a curtsey.

"Really kind Sir, and I thought I was an open book to you."

Jane's saved from replying by a knock on the door and the call of room service.

"Coming"

Jane takes his money out of his trouser pocket and peels off some dollars. He opens the door and steps aside to allow the cart to be wheeled in. He hands the money over and closes the door on the retreating waiter, after being wished a 'meal to his liking'.

Jane scowls when he sees what's on the cart.

"Really Lisbon, that's the best you can do?"

Lisbon shrugs.

"I'm not a breakfast person."

Lisbon picks up her coffee and muffin and retreats back onto the balcony, Jane follows with his plate and drink.

"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. It gives you a good start, It wakes up the brain follicles..."

Jane comes to a stop as Lisbon show no interest in what he's saying, the best way she's found to shut him up, when he begins to go on and on.

Jane pouts.

"Be that way."

He settles down in his chair and they eat breakfast in silence, looking out to sea.

Jane has finished his last bite of a satisfactory breakfast, not the best but not the worst, as he informed Lisbon and is now nursing his cup of tea. He's been searching for a way to start the conversation but can only come up with plunging straight in.

"It was a dream about Charlotte. We were on the beach racing to build sand castles. We were having fun, I pretended to fall so she could win. I had dropped the buckets and when I went back to retrieve them I heard her scream. When I got back to her she was dead. There was blood everywhere...and then I was back in my Malibu house...in the bedroom...under the smiley face."

"I'm sorry Jane. You haven't had a nightmare for so long, perhaps this isn't a good idea."

Jane looks up at her surprised.

"No, no , no this is a great idea. It's much better than being stuck indoors. I had the nightmare because I was thinking of her before I went to sleep. Building sand castles revived memories I haven't allowed myself to think about for many years. It was nice. I felt close to her. I just have to learn how to remember the good times without it bringing up the bad."

Jane gives Lisbon a wistful smile. Her heart aches for her friend, and she hopes she can help him somehow. He deserves to be happy, to be able to think of his family without Red John getting in the way. She knows how important her memories are of her parents, especially her Mother. It's what helped her through the difficult times of growing up. She took strength from feeling close to her.

"Perhaps you haven't let go of Red John?"

"That's very astute Lisbon. Perhaps I haven't. I thought I had. Since I've left the hospital, I've felt unsure of who I am and what I'm going to do with my life, where I go from here. I had Angela and then I had Red John. I know you want me to return to the CBI, but I don't know if that's what I want, or if it will be another crutch."

Jane reaches out to Lisbon and places his hand on top of hers.

"I do know I don't want to lose you."


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's notes: I hope everyone's Christmas was as lovely as mine. Wish you all your dreams in the coming year.**

Jane gives her hand a squeeze and jumps up out of his chair. he rubs his hands together:

"Let's have some fun."

Lisbon shakes her head at the sudden change in mood, but she knows he's done talking for now and that there will be other chances. She smiles at him.

"Yes let's. Do you have anything in mind?"

"As it happens I do. The porter told me of a local dog show that's being held at the park. It'll be fun, and if we're lucky a fight might break out."

"Well I hope it doesn't the dogs could hurt each other."

Lisbon see's a wicked smile cross Jane's face as he opens the door for her.

"Who was talking about the dogs?...Ow woman,"

Lisbon leaves Jane rubbing his shoulder as she breezes past him. The park isn't far away so they walk. Lisbon breaks the silence.

"What's going on Jane?"

Jane shrugs.

"There's nothing going on. We're just having a casual walk to the local dog show. What could possibly be going on."

"I can see it in your body language, you're excited about something. Since you're denying it, it's something I'm not going to like."

Jane halts and turns to look at her.

"You're wrong Lisbon, you're going to love it,"

Jane strides out in front and Lisbon gives a groan.

"Wait! Jane!"

Lisbon decides not to humour him and refuses to catch him up. It's a hot day and she doesn't want sweat trickling down her back this early in the day. Jane is waiting at the entrance of the dog show when she arrives.

"Ah Lisbon good to see you made it."

Lisbon gives him her sweetest smile.

"I hope I didn't keep you waiting."

"No problem. I will wait until forever for you Lisbon."

Lisbon rolls her eyes.

"That won' t keep you out of my bad books, what have you done.?"

Jane looks beyond her and then raises his finger.

"Just hold that thought and I'll be right back."

Once more Jane is gone and Lisbon's path's blocked by a harassed looking, middle-aged woman, holding a clipboard and other paraphernalia.

She looks at Jane's retreating form.

"Is that Mr. Jane?"

Lisbon wonders how this woman knows Jane but answers in the affirmative. The woman turns to face Lisbon fully.

"He's exactly as my brother described him. So are you Teresa Lisbon?"

Lisbon gives a bewildered nod.

"Good. Thank you so much for doing this. You saved my skin."

"For doing what?"

The woman shoves some things into Lisbon's hands and is gone before Lisbon recovers.

"I wish people would stop doing that."

She looks in her hands and staring at her is an ID badge with her name on it and the words 'DOG SHOW JUDGE'

"Jane!"

The man's suddenly standing right in front of her.

"Oooo we get to wear badges."

He takes his out of Lisbon's hands and pins it on to himself.

"A dog show judge Jane! What do we know about dogs to judge then, and how did you get us into this?"

"The night porter mentioned the dog show when I asked what there was to do. He said his sister was organising it and how she's impossible to live with as the event gets closer, that today had been a specially hard day as the judges had let her down due to illness. So I volunteered our services."

"You had to volunteer me as well?"

Jane takes her badge and begins to pin it on her.

"Come on Lisbon it'll be fun. All those cute dogs, I know you like dogs. Now what does all that say?"

Jane nods his head towards the literature Lisbon had shoved in to her hand. Lisbon rolls her eyes towards the sky, but knows she's beaten. She can't let the poor woman down, so with a sigh and a big grin from Jane she scans the paper in her hand.

"It our schedule, we're to start judging the big dogs in 10 mins."

"That's over there."

Jane points left and he takes Lisbon by the arm. As they make their way Lisbon reads out their judging guidelines. By the time she gets to the end worry has descended once more.

"Jane we know nothing about dogs...they take this all very seriously"

"Meh, beggars can't be chooses Lisbon, we'll just declare the ones we like the best the winners and not worry about all that technical stuff."

He takes the guidelines out of her hand and scrunches up the paper into a ball and throws it into a nearby trash can.

Lisbon has to admit that she's having fun. The dogs are stunning. She watches as Jane kneels before the last of the big dogs entered, a beautiful Huskie. He takes the dog's head in his hands and stares it in the eyes. He talks to it while stroking it's head and then scratching it behind the ears. It reacts as all the dogs have done, its putty in Jane's hands. It collapses to the ground inviting Jane to rub his tummy. The owner is not as impressed and jerks the dogs chain to get it back on its feet. Jane gives him a stare and then strokes the dog's head and talks into it's ear.

"Sorry, didn't mean to get you in to trouble, but don't worry I won't hold your owner against you."

He gives the owner another stare and rolls back up on to his feet. Lisbon, meanwhile, is looking the dog over, taking note of the things that she remembers from the guidelines that Jane threw away, it's a beautiful dog. She feels Jane take her arm.

"Time to deliberate over a cup of tea."

They find an empty table in the refreshment tent, in the far corner where they can talk in private. Lisbon is looking over the notes she's taken as Jane places her coffee in front of her and sits down opposite.

"Time to concoct a plan."

Lisbon looks up startled.

"A plan? We need to come up with a winner. A plan for what?"

"A plan to stop the dog-napping of course."


End file.
